We all face adversity every day. Some of it is minor and short lived, sometimes it is major and seems to last forever. How we endure it and progress once it has passed is where character and our true self shines through. I've had many periods of adversity in my life, but I consider myself fortunate that I haven't had anything truly major or long lasting occur thus far in my life. Now some of you may be thinking, "wait, he was laid off and unemployed for half a year." or, "isn't his house literally falling apart around him and his family?" While the answer to both of those questions is a resounding yes, I have tried my hardest to have my mindset change from a "woe is me" attitude to a "come what may, and love it" attitude. My initial purpose in creating this blog was to share my insights and experiences in the hopes that some person might come across it and learn or be uplifted in some way. I don't have a following per say, so the reach of this blog is short, but maybe it's mainly for me to look back on and learn at a later date? At any rate, I wanted to share some of the mental struggles I've had recently in regards to my calling as the ward mission leader in my ward. So, here we go...
Last fall I was released as first counselor in the bishopric of our ward. I had loved (and still do love) the time I was able to serve in the bishopric. To be with the amazing men I served around for 8-10 hours a week was an incredible learning experience. It was an amazing experience to kneel each week with them and to pray for our ward members and for issues we felt were of importance to our ward. My testimony of revelation and priesthood keys was strengthened a hundred fold! When the call came from the stake executive secretary asking if I could meet with a member of the stake presidency, I knew what was coming. With my previous callings; from executive secretary, elders quorum president, and then into the bishopric, I knew the call was coming before I officially received it. I just felt it in my heart so strongly. So strongly that on each occasion I told Liselle that a phone call or message was on it's way, and each time, it came. This time was different. I knew I was going to be released because they didn't need my sweet wife to come with me. As I sat in the stake offices across from a man that I have come to love like a father, and the release came, I felt something I had never felt before... Lost. I didn't have a new calling immediately, so once I was officially released the next Sunday, I felt like a fish out of water. To go from having a lot of things to do, people to contact, callings to extend, temple recommends to issue, tithing to count, and talks and lessons to give, and then have absolutely nothing to do the next week was a shock to my system. To some it may be seen as a vacation or relief, but to me, I felt like I had no purpose. It was almost like being fired, not laid off, fired. That feeling was short lived of course. I knew that the Lord had something else in store for me, and that it was time for another amazing man to get some training in preparation for future leadership. A few weeks later, I was called as the ward mission leader.
I've always loved missionary work. As a young man, I went on several appointments with the missionaries, and even got to teach someone in my ward who chose to be baptized. I looked forward to my mission from a young age. I couldn't wait until I got that black name tag. As I've mentioned previously, I served as a missionary in Scotland, and loved the people and experiences I had there. I think about them every day. I had several testimony building experiences, and many other spiritual experiences that I hold sacred to my heart. After I returned home, married in the temple, and began having a family, I still had that deep abiding love for sharing the gospel with people. Even now, almost 12 years after returning home, I still cherish the experiences I had there, and all the other missionary experiences since. I am that annoying guy who always shares experiences from my mission. That is where my struggle comes into play.
Having served in many "visible" callings in the ward, I've had the worry creep into my head that maybe my influencing ability has now diminished. Instead of people seeing my thoughts, talks, lessons, and challenges as something from a leader and take it to heart, I worried I had become the guy who everyone tunes out and rolls their eyes thinking, "here goes Nic again..." Sometimes that just happens when you are an "old timer" in a ward. It got to a point where I was so frustrated with things that I really wondered if I was hindering the missionary work from happening because people were sick of hearing from me. Thankfully, I've learned that when good things are on the horizon, that there's another tricky guy who tries to keep us from moving forward. Opposition in all things. Good has bad. Right has wrong. Light has darkness. Star Wars has Star Trek, and so forth. I've given many people that same pep talk to help them get through struggles and have seen it work on several occasions. It didn't always immediately solve the problem, but they were able to face the adversity with a new resolve and eventually overcome it. I just needed someone to give me the pep talk for my own benefit. Luckily, I attended the mission training this past Sunday. That combined with giving myself the pep talk have strengthened my resolve, and so help me, the missionary work in the Balmoral Ward is going to move! It's been stagnant for months, and I'm not going to allow it any more!
One thing I have learned over the past couple of months is that there are may times when you aren't going to get that pat on the back, or pep talk, or encouragement you want. You may feel like you are the only one who cares at times (even though that isn't the truth), and become frustrated when a group of people seemingly ignore something you ask them to do. What should you do when you feel that way? That pep talk, or pat on the back may just have to come directly from yourself. Don't be afraid of giving yourself credit, and definitely don't push blame onto others for not pitching in. Sunday's training helped me realize that I have been doing good things trying to help the missionary work progress, and that I shouldn't get upset or frustrated when others choose to focus on something different instead of jump on my little wagon.
If anyone reads this and is struggling with adversity, I'll give one piece of advice. You can, and will, overcome it! You have the power within you to break through, climb over, dig under, or run around whatever wall you are facing. When you feel a little weak or incapable, know that you have a team of people there to help you. There are many who have conquered the same issue, and can give you help and guidance, and once you overcome it, it's your turn to help others. To close out, I wanted to share this very profound quote from Elder Jeffrey R. Holland. "The future of this world has long been declared; the final outcome between good and evil is already known. There is absolutely no question as to who wins because the victory has already been posted on the scoreboard. The only really strange thing in all of this is that we are still down here on the field trying to decide which team's jersey we want to wear!” I'll echo a sentiment I shared with my dear friend Aubrey, you've chosen the right jersey, now you're being called into the game. Will you let the butterflies keep you on the sidelines, or will you get out there and give it your all?
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
Monday, May 6, 2013
Memories of Prom and Other Dances
Over the past month or so my Face Book timeline has been plastered with lots of pictures of prom and all those fun shenanigans. It made me think of my dance experiences when I was young. So bear with me as I take you on a trip down memory lane and share some of my good and bad high school dance experiences. I'll omit names as a safety precaution.
As a sophomore at Hillcrest High School, I was excited about the prom coming up. I had turned 16 in February, and now was allowed to go on dates. I hadn't gone on a date before then, and for some crazy reason, I thought the prom would be a fun first date. I had a friend (who was a girl, haha) in one of my classes that I thought was pretty cute, but more importantly, we got along, and I figured she'd be fun to go with. I wasn't having grand aspirations of a romance blossoming or anything like that, I just wanted to have a good time with friends. For some reason it is a tradition in Utah (not sure about other places) to make asking someone to a dance a big elaborate production. I chose to get a bag full of fortune cookies, put my name inside one of them, and drop off a letter that said, "I would be fortunate if you would go to prom with me." Yes, I know it was pretty lame, but hey, I was a lame 16 year old.
The next day at school was a little awkward. Was she going to say anything to me about it at school? Were her friends? Would she be excited, mad, grossed out, scared, happy? When 6th period came (she sat right in front of me), she walked in, sat down, and gave me a simple nod and a "hi". She didn't talk like she had before I asked, so I figured she wasn't excited about it. She did send her answer, a 'yes' and we were all set. My worry went away as I started planning my tuxedo, what color corsage to get her, and planning the activities with my other buddies who were in my group. Finally the big day arrived. My ride picked me up and we headed off to get my date. I should have recognized the omen that happened on the way to her home. We got a flat tire. So, in tuxedos, we changed a flat and were late to pick up my date. When I knocked on the door, my dates mom answered the door, and I walked in. My date walked out of a room, still in sweats. Seeing as I was about 20 minutes late, I was surprised that she wasn't even dressed. I just took it as a clear message that she didn't really want to go, but was being nice. She got dressed, and we left to pick up my buddy's date. For dinner, we went to Della Fontana's up near the Utah Capitol. It was yummy food. My date seemed to enjoy it too... Maybe a little too much. She ate her salad (a finger salad of full romaine leaves and dressing to dip it in) quickly, but purposely got dressing on her face and was acting all silly. Not a huge deal, but I expected something different (we were all in tuxedo's and gowns after all). Similar behavior during the main course of pasta; slurping up noodles etc. which I found annoying.
When we finally got to the actual dance, we took pictures, and then hit the dance floor. One problem; my date was nowhere to be found after pictures. So I did what every super cool high school basketball player does. I stood there, walked around mingling with people who weren't latched on to their date, and gave up on the night. If I would have had my own car, I may have just gone home all together, but I stuck it out. We did dance together for a few songs, but nothing significant. Next came the party afterwards. It was at an awesome home, ice cream was devoured, games were played, and people snuggled during a movie. Luckily for me, the house had an indoor basketball court and that's where I spent my time. I have no idea where my date was. We left to drop off our dates, and mine was the last. To say I was annoyed is an understatement. We walked up to her door, she gave me a hug and said, "that was fun, let's do it again." I didn't say anything, but if you could read my thoughts, I was saying, "yeah, not on your life!"
So I didn't have a good first date experience. I know there are two sides to every story, but I never got to hear the other side. I was very self conscious about myself after that, and that is on top of the usual angst a 16 year old kid would typically have. Initially, I thought, "hey, I'm a 2 year varsity starter as a soph. I'm pretty cool. Why wouldn't a girl want to go on a date with me?" It was then that I realized that being awesome at something in front of the entire school, being on the news here and there, and having your name in the newspaper didn't mean squat. That "fame" didn't bring friends automatically. So, I hung up my dating shoes until the summer because I figured I was undesirable.
I had a similar experience in the following fall for homecoming. I spent the money for the date and all that stuff, but was dateless for a large portion of the dance, and had an uncomfortable time sitting with her during the movie we watched afterwards. The weird thing to me was that I had gone on a previous date with this girl, and we had a total blast. So it blew my mind when she acted like I was an alien or something. I started to wonder if I had this creeper vibe, and that every girl had the thoughts, "please, PLEASE, don't let that Fitz kid ask me on a date!" So I hung it up again, focused on hoops, and life went on. My paranoia escalated with every girls choice dance that passed without me getting an invitation. High school really messes with your head. I thought middle school was bad with the teasing, but it was tougher for me to be what I thought was invisible. My junior year I made the front page of the Tribune sports page, but that didn't do much on the popularity scale. In fact, it made me feel a bit more alone because some of my older teammates gave me the cold shoulder too because I got more attention, or playing time than they did.
My story ends on a good note though with girls preference in the spring of my junior year. I was asked by an amazing person, who was always kind to me in classes, and at the games (she was a cheer leader). I had the most fun I'd ever had on a date, and felt like the curse had been broken. We never became an exclusive couple, or dated seriously after that, she was just a great friend that I had a lot in common with. She's married with a beautiful family of her own now, as are the ladies I had bad experiences with. And I can say that now, I am a better husband and father because of these experiences. Just like everything else in life, we have to go through a bunch of crap in order to recognize and appreciate the good things when they come. If anyone out there reads this, and is having, or has gone through struggles like mine, know this. It gets better. There will be that one moment where the clouds lift, and you feel like you are noticed or cared about. Guess what? You always were, and always will be. Don't shrink away or try to change who you are. I tried those things in certain situations, and it doesn't work, or you don't attract the kind of people you would like. I know it's typical for an "old guy" like me to give this piece of advice, but talk to your parents. If you can't, talk to someone. It will help you realize that you have so much going for you. Most importantly, don't hang your happiness on whether a girl (or boy) likes you. Chances are that whatever money you spend on dates with be spent on another man's future spouse. If you go out, and you are gaga over him or her, but they are not into you, try to move on. It's really hard, but totally doable. Also, treat those you date with respect. Open doors, wait for them to be seated first. Look for those little opportunities to help/ serve. It wont guarantee they fall in love with you, but it doesn't hurt and you learn good habits early.
As a sophomore at Hillcrest High School, I was excited about the prom coming up. I had turned 16 in February, and now was allowed to go on dates. I hadn't gone on a date before then, and for some crazy reason, I thought the prom would be a fun first date. I had a friend (who was a girl, haha) in one of my classes that I thought was pretty cute, but more importantly, we got along, and I figured she'd be fun to go with. I wasn't having grand aspirations of a romance blossoming or anything like that, I just wanted to have a good time with friends. For some reason it is a tradition in Utah (not sure about other places) to make asking someone to a dance a big elaborate production. I chose to get a bag full of fortune cookies, put my name inside one of them, and drop off a letter that said, "I would be fortunate if you would go to prom with me." Yes, I know it was pretty lame, but hey, I was a lame 16 year old.
The next day at school was a little awkward. Was she going to say anything to me about it at school? Were her friends? Would she be excited, mad, grossed out, scared, happy? When 6th period came (she sat right in front of me), she walked in, sat down, and gave me a simple nod and a "hi". She didn't talk like she had before I asked, so I figured she wasn't excited about it. She did send her answer, a 'yes' and we were all set. My worry went away as I started planning my tuxedo, what color corsage to get her, and planning the activities with my other buddies who were in my group. Finally the big day arrived. My ride picked me up and we headed off to get my date. I should have recognized the omen that happened on the way to her home. We got a flat tire. So, in tuxedos, we changed a flat and were late to pick up my date. When I knocked on the door, my dates mom answered the door, and I walked in. My date walked out of a room, still in sweats. Seeing as I was about 20 minutes late, I was surprised that she wasn't even dressed. I just took it as a clear message that she didn't really want to go, but was being nice. She got dressed, and we left to pick up my buddy's date. For dinner, we went to Della Fontana's up near the Utah Capitol. It was yummy food. My date seemed to enjoy it too... Maybe a little too much. She ate her salad (a finger salad of full romaine leaves and dressing to dip it in) quickly, but purposely got dressing on her face and was acting all silly. Not a huge deal, but I expected something different (we were all in tuxedo's and gowns after all). Similar behavior during the main course of pasta; slurping up noodles etc. which I found annoying.
When we finally got to the actual dance, we took pictures, and then hit the dance floor. One problem; my date was nowhere to be found after pictures. So I did what every super cool high school basketball player does. I stood there, walked around mingling with people who weren't latched on to their date, and gave up on the night. If I would have had my own car, I may have just gone home all together, but I stuck it out. We did dance together for a few songs, but nothing significant. Next came the party afterwards. It was at an awesome home, ice cream was devoured, games were played, and people snuggled during a movie. Luckily for me, the house had an indoor basketball court and that's where I spent my time. I have no idea where my date was. We left to drop off our dates, and mine was the last. To say I was annoyed is an understatement. We walked up to her door, she gave me a hug and said, "that was fun, let's do it again." I didn't say anything, but if you could read my thoughts, I was saying, "yeah, not on your life!"
So I didn't have a good first date experience. I know there are two sides to every story, but I never got to hear the other side. I was very self conscious about myself after that, and that is on top of the usual angst a 16 year old kid would typically have. Initially, I thought, "hey, I'm a 2 year varsity starter as a soph. I'm pretty cool. Why wouldn't a girl want to go on a date with me?" It was then that I realized that being awesome at something in front of the entire school, being on the news here and there, and having your name in the newspaper didn't mean squat. That "fame" didn't bring friends automatically. So, I hung up my dating shoes until the summer because I figured I was undesirable.
I had a similar experience in the following fall for homecoming. I spent the money for the date and all that stuff, but was dateless for a large portion of the dance, and had an uncomfortable time sitting with her during the movie we watched afterwards. The weird thing to me was that I had gone on a previous date with this girl, and we had a total blast. So it blew my mind when she acted like I was an alien or something. I started to wonder if I had this creeper vibe, and that every girl had the thoughts, "please, PLEASE, don't let that Fitz kid ask me on a date!" So I hung it up again, focused on hoops, and life went on. My paranoia escalated with every girls choice dance that passed without me getting an invitation. High school really messes with your head. I thought middle school was bad with the teasing, but it was tougher for me to be what I thought was invisible. My junior year I made the front page of the Tribune sports page, but that didn't do much on the popularity scale. In fact, it made me feel a bit more alone because some of my older teammates gave me the cold shoulder too because I got more attention, or playing time than they did.
My story ends on a good note though with girls preference in the spring of my junior year. I was asked by an amazing person, who was always kind to me in classes, and at the games (she was a cheer leader). I had the most fun I'd ever had on a date, and felt like the curse had been broken. We never became an exclusive couple, or dated seriously after that, she was just a great friend that I had a lot in common with. She's married with a beautiful family of her own now, as are the ladies I had bad experiences with. And I can say that now, I am a better husband and father because of these experiences. Just like everything else in life, we have to go through a bunch of crap in order to recognize and appreciate the good things when they come. If anyone out there reads this, and is having, or has gone through struggles like mine, know this. It gets better. There will be that one moment where the clouds lift, and you feel like you are noticed or cared about. Guess what? You always were, and always will be. Don't shrink away or try to change who you are. I tried those things in certain situations, and it doesn't work, or you don't attract the kind of people you would like. I know it's typical for an "old guy" like me to give this piece of advice, but talk to your parents. If you can't, talk to someone. It will help you realize that you have so much going for you. Most importantly, don't hang your happiness on whether a girl (or boy) likes you. Chances are that whatever money you spend on dates with be spent on another man's future spouse. If you go out, and you are gaga over him or her, but they are not into you, try to move on. It's really hard, but totally doable. Also, treat those you date with respect. Open doors, wait for them to be seated first. Look for those little opportunities to help/ serve. It wont guarantee they fall in love with you, but it doesn't hurt and you learn good habits early.
Thursday, April 25, 2013
Making a Choice... Sort Of
Our life has been a whirlwind of craziness over the past month. I have been working a lot of hours, meeting with many people, helping them find what matters to them and implementing a plan. If we haven't had a conversation about what I do for people, we really do need to sit and visit. I'm busy, and have a lot of demand, but I'm never too busy. I've had several nights recently where I get home just as the kids are getting in bed, or even after they've been asleep for a bit. I've had a little bit of a reprieve this week, and it's great to spend time with my little family. On top of the craziness of work, we have been pondering what the next move for our family will be in regards to the garbage going on with our home. Through a couple of awesome experiences we have made a decision... Sort of.
Two weeks ago, after an amazing General Conference weekend, Liselle and I felt the need to really sit and discuss what we were going to do with our home. I had felt strongly that it was time to make a decision, petition the Lord for confirmation, and move forward. This whole process has been a real mental/ emotional roller coaster. It's now been 7 years since we moved into the Balmoral neighborhood. I feel we were brought there by our Heavenly Father to help us grow, learn, and to be trained for things in the future. When we were in the process of finding a place, we bid on one home, but were outbid by a ridiculously small amount. We missed out on a couple of others, one was even destroyed by a huge fire. Eventually we found our current home. We got in just as the housing bubble was expanding, and saw many amazing people move in. It truly was a little piece of heaven for us. Through great neighbors, an amazing ward, and the positions I have held in the ward, I got to know so many amazing families. In our 7 years, I've been able to serve in our ward as 1st and 2nd counselor in the Elders Quorum, Executive Secretary, Elders Quorum President, 1st and 2nd counselor in the Bishopric, and currently as Ward Mission Leader. I've sat in many living rooms with these amazing people, and truly love them all. We thought that we would never leave because we love the people so much that it would be impossible to let them go.
The weekend of the 13th and 14th, Liselle and I decided to attend our ward temple night, and to go with a purpose in our hearts. We had decided that we were going to move out of our home, and wanted to know if that was the right thing to do. As we walked inside those hallowed walls, I felt peace and calm. After handing my recommend to the man at the desk, he greeted me with a simple, "Brother Fitzgerald, welcome to the house of the Lord." As soon as he said that, I felt the warm fuzzies all over my body, and even got teared up a bit. Through the entire session, I felt so at peace with everything. With work, with things at home, with my marriage, with my relationships with those I love and care deeply about. Most of all, I was finally at peace with the idea of leaving our beloved ward and neighbors. After talking with my sweet Liselle, she had the same feelings. We also used the next day, which happened to be fast Sunday, to focus on that answer, and ask for guidance on which avenue to take in leaving. That's where the 'sort of' above comes from. We are moving soon, that decision is made. We just don't know which way we are leaving yet; walking away (strategic default), or patching things up a bit and renting.
Throughout this whole process we have been supported by so many people. Our families have been great in helping us find resources and professionals to talk things over with. Our friends and neighbors have expressed concern and support for us in trying to make sense of everything. We've had several chats (in person and on Face Book), emails, texts and phone calls asking us how things are holding up. There have been ups and downs as we learn of each lead that takes us towards another dead end. There have been worries of our house just tipping over with a stiff breeze, snow and rain pouring in through the cracks, freezing winds blowing in to our rooms, rodents walking in through the wide open cracks, and many other crazy possibilities. I'm not sure how we held it together this long and never really freaked out, but I know that our support group has been a huge contributor. To all who fall into that category, thank you so very much.
With us leaving and starting a new chapter in our lives, we will miss many people. Some we may never see in person again, only through social media. Others will continue to be the same friends they have been through our time here in Balmoral. Regardless, know that you have been an influence for good in my life, and I will look to your examples always as ones of strength and service. If we never got along well, you still have had a positive effect on my life, because that's how I choose to see it. If I've ever hurt your feelings, or done something stupid, please forgive me. Above all, I hope that I have been half as good to you as you all have been to me, and that if you hear my name years from now it brings good feelings and memories.
Man, you'd think I was dying or something! Life is great, live yours in a way that matches the greatness you possess!
Two weeks ago, after an amazing General Conference weekend, Liselle and I felt the need to really sit and discuss what we were going to do with our home. I had felt strongly that it was time to make a decision, petition the Lord for confirmation, and move forward. This whole process has been a real mental/ emotional roller coaster. It's now been 7 years since we moved into the Balmoral neighborhood. I feel we were brought there by our Heavenly Father to help us grow, learn, and to be trained for things in the future. When we were in the process of finding a place, we bid on one home, but were outbid by a ridiculously small amount. We missed out on a couple of others, one was even destroyed by a huge fire. Eventually we found our current home. We got in just as the housing bubble was expanding, and saw many amazing people move in. It truly was a little piece of heaven for us. Through great neighbors, an amazing ward, and the positions I have held in the ward, I got to know so many amazing families. In our 7 years, I've been able to serve in our ward as 1st and 2nd counselor in the Elders Quorum, Executive Secretary, Elders Quorum President, 1st and 2nd counselor in the Bishopric, and currently as Ward Mission Leader. I've sat in many living rooms with these amazing people, and truly love them all. We thought that we would never leave because we love the people so much that it would be impossible to let them go.
The weekend of the 13th and 14th, Liselle and I decided to attend our ward temple night, and to go with a purpose in our hearts. We had decided that we were going to move out of our home, and wanted to know if that was the right thing to do. As we walked inside those hallowed walls, I felt peace and calm. After handing my recommend to the man at the desk, he greeted me with a simple, "Brother Fitzgerald, welcome to the house of the Lord." As soon as he said that, I felt the warm fuzzies all over my body, and even got teared up a bit. Through the entire session, I felt so at peace with everything. With work, with things at home, with my marriage, with my relationships with those I love and care deeply about. Most of all, I was finally at peace with the idea of leaving our beloved ward and neighbors. After talking with my sweet Liselle, she had the same feelings. We also used the next day, which happened to be fast Sunday, to focus on that answer, and ask for guidance on which avenue to take in leaving. That's where the 'sort of' above comes from. We are moving soon, that decision is made. We just don't know which way we are leaving yet; walking away (strategic default), or patching things up a bit and renting.
Throughout this whole process we have been supported by so many people. Our families have been great in helping us find resources and professionals to talk things over with. Our friends and neighbors have expressed concern and support for us in trying to make sense of everything. We've had several chats (in person and on Face Book), emails, texts and phone calls asking us how things are holding up. There have been ups and downs as we learn of each lead that takes us towards another dead end. There have been worries of our house just tipping over with a stiff breeze, snow and rain pouring in through the cracks, freezing winds blowing in to our rooms, rodents walking in through the wide open cracks, and many other crazy possibilities. I'm not sure how we held it together this long and never really freaked out, but I know that our support group has been a huge contributor. To all who fall into that category, thank you so very much.
With us leaving and starting a new chapter in our lives, we will miss many people. Some we may never see in person again, only through social media. Others will continue to be the same friends they have been through our time here in Balmoral. Regardless, know that you have been an influence for good in my life, and I will look to your examples always as ones of strength and service. If we never got along well, you still have had a positive effect on my life, because that's how I choose to see it. If I've ever hurt your feelings, or done something stupid, please forgive me. Above all, I hope that I have been half as good to you as you all have been to me, and that if you hear my name years from now it brings good feelings and memories.
Man, you'd think I was dying or something! Life is great, live yours in a way that matches the greatness you possess!
Monday, April 8, 2013
Act Well Thy Part
I've always loved conference, but this past weekend was so incredibly amazing that I felt the need to acknowledge it here. Some of you follow me on Twitter, others are friends on Facebook; as a result I'm sure many of you saw my conference related tweets. If not, go check them out. ;)
One reason I was so enthusiastic about live tweeting during conference is because I have several friends that do not attend church any more. Through many different circumstances they have decided to not attend. Regardless of why they left, I still have a deep love for them and want them to be happy. For me, happiness comes through the gospel, my family and friends, hard work, and a list of many other things. For me, the gospel is paramount in my happiness foundation, the chief cornerstone. While others have different formulas for happiness, I personally feel that the gospel will only magnify that joy and happiness. So I wanted to share that joy with anyone who saw my timeline over the weekend.
When I was younger, I served as a missionary for the LDS church from 1999 to 2001 in the bonnie land of Scotland in the Scotland Edinburgh Mission. In my two years I met some of the most amazing people, and through the marvel of social media, I've been able to keep in contact with them. One of the most recent has been Joanne McCafferty from my last area. She may kill me for talking about her here, but I'm willing to take the risk because there is a great lesson to be learned from her. When I was there in Wishaw, Joanne was a recent convert to the church along with her mother. They had us over for dinner many times, we had family home evenings, and did much teaching in their home. When I left to return home, they threw me a big farewell party that ended up in a huge water fight. They sent me home with a picture that still hangs on my fridge today. One day about 2 months ago she caught me on Facebook chat. We caught up and talked about our families and where life had taken us since we last spoke. As we talked I felt strongly that I should ask her if she still went to church. She told me that she hadn't been in a long time. It was a little hard to hear, but I knew she was still an amazing person, and it didn't change the way I felt about her and her family. We have talked several times since, and she has started praying again, I helped her download the gospel library app on her phone and she has been reading. As this has been going on, I have noticed a change in her, even though I haven't seen her in person for all these years. This weekend she took the challenge to watch general conference. She did, and from what I've heard, loved every second that she saw.
One of the things I've learned from Joanne over the past couple of months is that everyone has struggles. Some are much harder than others, sometimes we do feel absolutely alone, and there are times when the actions of others can be a great influence on our perspective in life. I met Joanne as a missionary 12 years ago. Through all those years, I'm sure Joanne thought of me still as a young missionary, just as I thought of her as that silly (in a good way) teenager I taught all those years ago. Relationships are remembered for what they were when you last saw the person. If it was a bad breakup, the other person will almost always be a jerk in your mind. If someone was overbearing, or came on too strong, that is how you remember them. If someone was a tall goofy dude who loves Star Wars, that's what you remember. It made me think about how awkward the conversation would be if I had stopped doing the church thing and the tables were turned. What if someone I taught and helped come into the gospel asked me if I still went and I didn't? I'm sure I'd feel guilty to some degree. How would I explain it to someone I testified to that I knew it was true that I no longer took part in those blessings? It made me a bit uncomfortable.
If you have served a mission when you were younger, or are going to serve, or are just getting back, I have one piece of advice: though you are released when you return home, you will always feel that love and sense of duty for those you served and lived amongst. They will look to you many years later for help, guidance, example, or just as a friendly ear to talk to. You will aways be Elder/Sister [Insert Name Here] to them. Think about what that means. This can ring true for friendships and relationships forged in school, work, and as neighbors. I have many friends on Facebook that I haven't seen since I graduated. I'd love to sit down and visit with all of them because they had an impact on my life. Whether it was a 'hi' or a smile in the hallway, or someone cheering extra loud at one of my basketball games, or even someone who may have been rude to me, I am the person I am today because of those things; and I wouldn't change it for the world.
One more quick lesson I've learned. In Scotland, our mission motto was, "What E'er thou art, act well thy part." I know, I know, my ward members in West Valley are rolling their eyes because I preach it a lot, but hey, this is my blog so I'm gonna talk about it. I asked Joanne what inspired her to chat with me that one evening 2 months ago. Her answer, "I saw you were online and felt like I should say hello." Did that mean she was looking for someone to invite her back to church? I am pretty sure that was the last thing on her mind, but through our conversations, invitations were made, encouragement was given during struggles, and the eternal friendship we have was instantly strengthened. The point is for each of us to be who we are regardless of location, circumstance, or company. Have I been a prefect example of this? No way Jose. Do I try? All the time. The struggle to find ones self, and then live within that identity is one we all face. Life gets stressful, some people just don't jive together, but we are all on this rock flying through space together. We might as well try to be genuine with each other and render help or service when needed regardless of whether it's solicited or not. To quote the wise Abraham Lincoln, "Be excellent to each other. And... PARTY ON DUDES!!!"
One reason I was so enthusiastic about live tweeting during conference is because I have several friends that do not attend church any more. Through many different circumstances they have decided to not attend. Regardless of why they left, I still have a deep love for them and want them to be happy. For me, happiness comes through the gospel, my family and friends, hard work, and a list of many other things. For me, the gospel is paramount in my happiness foundation, the chief cornerstone. While others have different formulas for happiness, I personally feel that the gospel will only magnify that joy and happiness. So I wanted to share that joy with anyone who saw my timeline over the weekend.
When I was younger, I served as a missionary for the LDS church from 1999 to 2001 in the bonnie land of Scotland in the Scotland Edinburgh Mission. In my two years I met some of the most amazing people, and through the marvel of social media, I've been able to keep in contact with them. One of the most recent has been Joanne McCafferty from my last area. She may kill me for talking about her here, but I'm willing to take the risk because there is a great lesson to be learned from her. When I was there in Wishaw, Joanne was a recent convert to the church along with her mother. They had us over for dinner many times, we had family home evenings, and did much teaching in their home. When I left to return home, they threw me a big farewell party that ended up in a huge water fight. They sent me home with a picture that still hangs on my fridge today. One day about 2 months ago she caught me on Facebook chat. We caught up and talked about our families and where life had taken us since we last spoke. As we talked I felt strongly that I should ask her if she still went to church. She told me that she hadn't been in a long time. It was a little hard to hear, but I knew she was still an amazing person, and it didn't change the way I felt about her and her family. We have talked several times since, and she has started praying again, I helped her download the gospel library app on her phone and she has been reading. As this has been going on, I have noticed a change in her, even though I haven't seen her in person for all these years. This weekend she took the challenge to watch general conference. She did, and from what I've heard, loved every second that she saw.
One of the things I've learned from Joanne over the past couple of months is that everyone has struggles. Some are much harder than others, sometimes we do feel absolutely alone, and there are times when the actions of others can be a great influence on our perspective in life. I met Joanne as a missionary 12 years ago. Through all those years, I'm sure Joanne thought of me still as a young missionary, just as I thought of her as that silly (in a good way) teenager I taught all those years ago. Relationships are remembered for what they were when you last saw the person. If it was a bad breakup, the other person will almost always be a jerk in your mind. If someone was overbearing, or came on too strong, that is how you remember them. If someone was a tall goofy dude who loves Star Wars, that's what you remember. It made me think about how awkward the conversation would be if I had stopped doing the church thing and the tables were turned. What if someone I taught and helped come into the gospel asked me if I still went and I didn't? I'm sure I'd feel guilty to some degree. How would I explain it to someone I testified to that I knew it was true that I no longer took part in those blessings? It made me a bit uncomfortable.
If you have served a mission when you were younger, or are going to serve, or are just getting back, I have one piece of advice: though you are released when you return home, you will always feel that love and sense of duty for those you served and lived amongst. They will look to you many years later for help, guidance, example, or just as a friendly ear to talk to. You will aways be Elder/Sister [Insert Name Here] to them. Think about what that means. This can ring true for friendships and relationships forged in school, work, and as neighbors. I have many friends on Facebook that I haven't seen since I graduated. I'd love to sit down and visit with all of them because they had an impact on my life. Whether it was a 'hi' or a smile in the hallway, or someone cheering extra loud at one of my basketball games, or even someone who may have been rude to me, I am the person I am today because of those things; and I wouldn't change it for the world.
One more quick lesson I've learned. In Scotland, our mission motto was, "What E'er thou art, act well thy part." I know, I know, my ward members in West Valley are rolling their eyes because I preach it a lot, but hey, this is my blog so I'm gonna talk about it. I asked Joanne what inspired her to chat with me that one evening 2 months ago. Her answer, "I saw you were online and felt like I should say hello." Did that mean she was looking for someone to invite her back to church? I am pretty sure that was the last thing on her mind, but through our conversations, invitations were made, encouragement was given during struggles, and the eternal friendship we have was instantly strengthened. The point is for each of us to be who we are regardless of location, circumstance, or company. Have I been a prefect example of this? No way Jose. Do I try? All the time. The struggle to find ones self, and then live within that identity is one we all face. Life gets stressful, some people just don't jive together, but we are all on this rock flying through space together. We might as well try to be genuine with each other and render help or service when needed regardless of whether it's solicited or not. To quote the wise Abraham Lincoln, "Be excellent to each other. And... PARTY ON DUDES!!!"
Monday, April 1, 2013
Kids, House Issues, and a Lesson Learned
So it's been a while, far too long in fact, and I am full of many thoughts and feelings... First; my kids are so great! I've been struggling with the fact that many kids like to express themselves in a less than enjoyable tone. Simply put, they whine. I've been trying to focus on the good, polite things they do, and magnify them, but at times it feels like I'm bashing my head against a wall. I know it's a part of parenthood, but it doesn't make it any easier to deal with right now. After all is said and done, I love those little squirts to death!.
Some of you know about the issues we are having with our home, and the fact that several others are having similar issues. As this progressed into a widespread issue, I had a fear creep in, and now I'm beginning to see it come to pass. My fear was that as things progressed, and we found that there was nothing we could do to show liability on the builder or any outside party that was involved in the construction of this development, that we as residents would turn on each other. This issue is a major one to those of us effected. Many who don't have the issue feel sympathy for our plight, but that's about it. I don't blame them at all, I would be the same way if our roles were reversed. What I've come to see as we continue to peel back the layers and hit a dead end, or be told that there isn't anything at all that can be done outside of privately funding the repairs ourselves, is that we are starting to point fingers at each other. We can't go after the builder because we are well outside the statute of limitations. The city has immunity in the matter as well. The Geotech did an in depth analysis and gave his findings, but the ultimate decision doesn't fall with him. We don't qualify for any government grants because we are part of a townhome community with an HOA. Our HOA doesn't have any liability within their master plan because they only have to cover common areas, and homeowners are responsible for the structure. Insurance doesn't cover settling at all. The list goes on and on. So you can see where frustrations and anger could fester and explode. Unfortunately, I was involved in one. I wont go into details, but suffice it to say, feelings were hurt on both sides, and I never expect to hear from this individual again. Such is life.
With all of this stress and drama, we have been spurred into looking at our options for moving into the next phase of our lives. We are a growing family, and need more space. The problem lies with the fact that we would not be able to sell our home for what we want. We are lucky to not be upside down in our home, but with the issues, I have a strong feeling we couldn't sell it for what we would like. So that brings up the question, should we walk away? I don't really want to do that. I want out of the house, but not at that cost. Not yet anyway. Do we patch it up and rent? That's the most appealing option right now, but we don't know how extensive the "patching up" would need to be. Then we have to figure out where to go from here. My new job is awesome, but we've hit a lull financially the last month, and I don't have enough work history to go through new financing. So renting would be our best option right now. Where do you move a family of 5 that the kids are growing? Would there be any affordable options? These are the things that are flying around in my head.
On the work side, I completely love what I do! I sit with individuals and families and help them out in many ways. If we haven't talked yet, we need to. Even if you have things already in place, we need to visit. Going from a salary to commission career is a neat experience. Lately things have been a little tight with finances, and I'm truly glad for it. Throughout my unemployment we never really felt the financial pinch too hard. Thanks to having a good amount of savings, a food order or two from the Bishop's Storehouse, and a little help on our mortgage one month, we made it through. Then came the season of financial "ka-ching!" that we hadn't experienced before.Thank goodness we were disciplined and didn't get things like a sweet new TV, or the new car I want to get. As assets dwindle, I have realized that we didn't focus on replenishing our emergency savings. That lead us to the lean times we now face, and has helped us plan to hedge against those times in the future. I don't anticipate those times again, but we will be better off for it. This is a season where I am fulfilling one of the things promised to me in my Patriarchal blessing: that there would be times where I would be studying and working instead of enjoying some of the frills of the world, but that I would have the means to provide for my family and to help others. This in no way means I haven't done business or anything like that, it's just been a lot of small things with no big things peppered in, but that was remedied 2 weeks ago.
Then there's my sweet Liselle. Always standing by my side in support, love, and kindness. Lis, I love you with all of my heart. I don't know what I did to fool you into loving me, but I'm sure glad I did. ;)
To all of you, I give thanks for your friendship, examples, and service. For those in our ward, this doesn't mean we are moving right away, but we are looking into it. There have been many years where we have had no desire to ever leave, but with recent events, that has changed. Next week marks our 7th year in this home. We have grown a lot, laughed too many times to count, cried, fell in love with our neighbors and ward (in a non-romantic way), forged friendships that will truly last, played music, made costumes, and a million other things that will stay with us forever. Who knows, maybe we're just experiencing the 7 year itch, but with our house. Onward and upward!
Some of you know about the issues we are having with our home, and the fact that several others are having similar issues. As this progressed into a widespread issue, I had a fear creep in, and now I'm beginning to see it come to pass. My fear was that as things progressed, and we found that there was nothing we could do to show liability on the builder or any outside party that was involved in the construction of this development, that we as residents would turn on each other. This issue is a major one to those of us effected. Many who don't have the issue feel sympathy for our plight, but that's about it. I don't blame them at all, I would be the same way if our roles were reversed. What I've come to see as we continue to peel back the layers and hit a dead end, or be told that there isn't anything at all that can be done outside of privately funding the repairs ourselves, is that we are starting to point fingers at each other. We can't go after the builder because we are well outside the statute of limitations. The city has immunity in the matter as well. The Geotech did an in depth analysis and gave his findings, but the ultimate decision doesn't fall with him. We don't qualify for any government grants because we are part of a townhome community with an HOA. Our HOA doesn't have any liability within their master plan because they only have to cover common areas, and homeowners are responsible for the structure. Insurance doesn't cover settling at all. The list goes on and on. So you can see where frustrations and anger could fester and explode. Unfortunately, I was involved in one. I wont go into details, but suffice it to say, feelings were hurt on both sides, and I never expect to hear from this individual again. Such is life.
With all of this stress and drama, we have been spurred into looking at our options for moving into the next phase of our lives. We are a growing family, and need more space. The problem lies with the fact that we would not be able to sell our home for what we want. We are lucky to not be upside down in our home, but with the issues, I have a strong feeling we couldn't sell it for what we would like. So that brings up the question, should we walk away? I don't really want to do that. I want out of the house, but not at that cost. Not yet anyway. Do we patch it up and rent? That's the most appealing option right now, but we don't know how extensive the "patching up" would need to be. Then we have to figure out where to go from here. My new job is awesome, but we've hit a lull financially the last month, and I don't have enough work history to go through new financing. So renting would be our best option right now. Where do you move a family of 5 that the kids are growing? Would there be any affordable options? These are the things that are flying around in my head.
On the work side, I completely love what I do! I sit with individuals and families and help them out in many ways. If we haven't talked yet, we need to. Even if you have things already in place, we need to visit. Going from a salary to commission career is a neat experience. Lately things have been a little tight with finances, and I'm truly glad for it. Throughout my unemployment we never really felt the financial pinch too hard. Thanks to having a good amount of savings, a food order or two from the Bishop's Storehouse, and a little help on our mortgage one month, we made it through. Then came the season of financial "ka-ching!" that we hadn't experienced before.Thank goodness we were disciplined and didn't get things like a sweet new TV, or the new car I want to get. As assets dwindle, I have realized that we didn't focus on replenishing our emergency savings. That lead us to the lean times we now face, and has helped us plan to hedge against those times in the future. I don't anticipate those times again, but we will be better off for it. This is a season where I am fulfilling one of the things promised to me in my Patriarchal blessing: that there would be times where I would be studying and working instead of enjoying some of the frills of the world, but that I would have the means to provide for my family and to help others. This in no way means I haven't done business or anything like that, it's just been a lot of small things with no big things peppered in, but that was remedied 2 weeks ago.
Then there's my sweet Liselle. Always standing by my side in support, love, and kindness. Lis, I love you with all of my heart. I don't know what I did to fool you into loving me, but I'm sure glad I did. ;)
To all of you, I give thanks for your friendship, examples, and service. For those in our ward, this doesn't mean we are moving right away, but we are looking into it. There have been many years where we have had no desire to ever leave, but with recent events, that has changed. Next week marks our 7th year in this home. We have grown a lot, laughed too many times to count, cried, fell in love with our neighbors and ward (in a non-romantic way), forged friendships that will truly last, played music, made costumes, and a million other things that will stay with us forever. Who knows, maybe we're just experiencing the 7 year itch, but with our house. Onward and upward!
Monday, January 14, 2013
What a difference a year makes!
It was January 12, 2012. The day was like any other day at the office. Lots to do, great co-workers, and a high stress level. I knew that stress was going to be cranked up a few notches with the departure of one of my employees who was being laid off. I had been working on transitioning those clients to my book, and introducing myself as their new contact. I still felt very unprepared and was worried about what lie ahead. I started with this company in July of the same year, and had learned much about the payroll/ benefits world. Nothing I had experienced in my life could prepare me for what would happen later that afternoon.
We had been losing a lot of clients with nothing of significance coming in to replace them. I was told this was normal in this industry, and not to worry. Just before Christmas, I had to sit in on one of the hardest things ever, informing someone that they were out of a job. The timing was bad, and I just felt sick to my stomach about it. I had the distinct feeling that I wasn't meant to be the one that delivered that kind of bad news to anyone. In the past I have had management positions and had no problem with motivating and helping those I worked with. When we walked out of that meeting, I had a strong impression to go with that person into another room and chat. As soon as the door closed, all I could say was "I'm sorry" and offered a hug. I fought to hold back the tears. In the weeks that followed that news, I lost sleep and felt as if I had betrayed my friend. Maybe that was my fatal flaw, that I became friends with her and thus, had that emotional connection.
As her last day approached, my stress kept increasing. Something felt amiss with the whole situation. I didn't know why or what it meant, but it didn't sit well with me. On the night of January 11th while serving at the church I told a neighbor about my feelings. "I've never been laid off, but for some reason maybe I'm meant to go through that experience." It was foreshadowing for the very next day.
The first half of the day went like it usually did. Our HR Manager had the day off (he's a stud by the way) for his brothers wedding. I thought I saw him come into the office, but didn't pay much attention to it. A while after that, my phone rang. "Can you come into the board room?" It seemed an odd request. "I'm in the middle of this payroll, can I finish it up and come in when I'm done?" I asked. I didn't dwell too much on it because I was in the middle of a project, so I forged on with the thought to pop my head in when I was finished. When I completed my task, I walked down the hallway to the board room. The door was locked, so I knocked. The door opened just enough for me to see our HR Manager, and another of my co-workers sitting at the table with a couple of papers. "Can you give us a couple of minutes?" I said yes and returned to my desk. That's when the wheels started turning. I said a little prayer asking for help to accept whatever it was and to have a clear and calm mind. I was soon called back into the board room; with a deep breath I walked back down the hall.
The mood wasn't sad, but it definitely wasn't cheerful. The situation: We had lost too many clients and needed to cut back to a skeleton crew in order to recoup losses. The news: I, along with 5 other co-workers were being laid off and our last day would be the next day, the 13th. I sat there for a few seconds, and all I could feel was relief. Why relief? I have no idea. I wasn't surprised by it at all, and in some way, I had been prepared for it emotionally. I thought to myself, "this is how it feels to be fired."; but I was not upset or freaking out wondering what I was going to do. I gave our HR and Operations Managers a handshake and a hug and went back to my desk. By then, a few others had been informed, and we started discussing it. I was most worried about calling my sweet wife and breaking the news to her. I waited until I got home to tell her because I wanted it to be a face to face conversation. Unsurprisingly to me, she was understanding, supportive, and sweet. She didn't get upset, cry, or freak out wondering how we were going to feed 3 kids, pay our mortgage and other obligations, and wondering what I was going to do for a job. I've said it once, I'll say it again, I totally hit the jackpot with Liselle!
The decision on what I was going to do for work was almost instant. The result of getting hired turned out to be a saga that lasted 6 and a half months. During that time, we witnessed many of the tender mercies that came to us. My unemployment was only $300 a week. That took care of our mortgage, car payment, and utilities for the most part. How we were able to eat, stay warm, and enjoy a few nice things here and there, I have no other explanation than divine intervention. We were privileged to receive help from our Bishop a couple of times, and have a greater testimony of the welfare programs of the church. We had some good friends on our street have us over for dinner a couple of times, times where we wondered what we should do for dinner. Our family was so supportive and helpful. Whether it was paying me for odd jobs here and there, or giving us some food or groceries, they were received gratefully. We didn't totally burn through our savings, and I never felt worried about money. I struggled a bit with not feeling valuable. I played the mind games anyone who goes through a layoff plays. "If I were any good at what I did, I wouldn't have been laid off." and, "If only I stayed at Job A, I would have avoided this whole thing." Nevertheless, I was able to overcome those quickly and stay positive. That's one of my best talents I think, positivity.
Through the trial, I now appreciate my new job more than anything. I have always wanted to help people and families. This job allows me to do it every day, and I must say, I'm good at it. To be able to make a living helping people plan for, and protect their family and assets is such a rewarding thing! I've rambled on for a while now, and could go a while longer, but I'll spare you... for now. All I can say is... What a difference a year makes!
We had been losing a lot of clients with nothing of significance coming in to replace them. I was told this was normal in this industry, and not to worry. Just before Christmas, I had to sit in on one of the hardest things ever, informing someone that they were out of a job. The timing was bad, and I just felt sick to my stomach about it. I had the distinct feeling that I wasn't meant to be the one that delivered that kind of bad news to anyone. In the past I have had management positions and had no problem with motivating and helping those I worked with. When we walked out of that meeting, I had a strong impression to go with that person into another room and chat. As soon as the door closed, all I could say was "I'm sorry" and offered a hug. I fought to hold back the tears. In the weeks that followed that news, I lost sleep and felt as if I had betrayed my friend. Maybe that was my fatal flaw, that I became friends with her and thus, had that emotional connection.
As her last day approached, my stress kept increasing. Something felt amiss with the whole situation. I didn't know why or what it meant, but it didn't sit well with me. On the night of January 11th while serving at the church I told a neighbor about my feelings. "I've never been laid off, but for some reason maybe I'm meant to go through that experience." It was foreshadowing for the very next day.
The first half of the day went like it usually did. Our HR Manager had the day off (he's a stud by the way) for his brothers wedding. I thought I saw him come into the office, but didn't pay much attention to it. A while after that, my phone rang. "Can you come into the board room?" It seemed an odd request. "I'm in the middle of this payroll, can I finish it up and come in when I'm done?" I asked. I didn't dwell too much on it because I was in the middle of a project, so I forged on with the thought to pop my head in when I was finished. When I completed my task, I walked down the hallway to the board room. The door was locked, so I knocked. The door opened just enough for me to see our HR Manager, and another of my co-workers sitting at the table with a couple of papers. "Can you give us a couple of minutes?" I said yes and returned to my desk. That's when the wheels started turning. I said a little prayer asking for help to accept whatever it was and to have a clear and calm mind. I was soon called back into the board room; with a deep breath I walked back down the hall.
The mood wasn't sad, but it definitely wasn't cheerful. The situation: We had lost too many clients and needed to cut back to a skeleton crew in order to recoup losses. The news: I, along with 5 other co-workers were being laid off and our last day would be the next day, the 13th. I sat there for a few seconds, and all I could feel was relief. Why relief? I have no idea. I wasn't surprised by it at all, and in some way, I had been prepared for it emotionally. I thought to myself, "this is how it feels to be fired."; but I was not upset or freaking out wondering what I was going to do. I gave our HR and Operations Managers a handshake and a hug and went back to my desk. By then, a few others had been informed, and we started discussing it. I was most worried about calling my sweet wife and breaking the news to her. I waited until I got home to tell her because I wanted it to be a face to face conversation. Unsurprisingly to me, she was understanding, supportive, and sweet. She didn't get upset, cry, or freak out wondering how we were going to feed 3 kids, pay our mortgage and other obligations, and wondering what I was going to do for a job. I've said it once, I'll say it again, I totally hit the jackpot with Liselle!
The decision on what I was going to do for work was almost instant. The result of getting hired turned out to be a saga that lasted 6 and a half months. During that time, we witnessed many of the tender mercies that came to us. My unemployment was only $300 a week. That took care of our mortgage, car payment, and utilities for the most part. How we were able to eat, stay warm, and enjoy a few nice things here and there, I have no other explanation than divine intervention. We were privileged to receive help from our Bishop a couple of times, and have a greater testimony of the welfare programs of the church. We had some good friends on our street have us over for dinner a couple of times, times where we wondered what we should do for dinner. Our family was so supportive and helpful. Whether it was paying me for odd jobs here and there, or giving us some food or groceries, they were received gratefully. We didn't totally burn through our savings, and I never felt worried about money. I struggled a bit with not feeling valuable. I played the mind games anyone who goes through a layoff plays. "If I were any good at what I did, I wouldn't have been laid off." and, "If only I stayed at Job A, I would have avoided this whole thing." Nevertheless, I was able to overcome those quickly and stay positive. That's one of my best talents I think, positivity.
Through the trial, I now appreciate my new job more than anything. I have always wanted to help people and families. This job allows me to do it every day, and I must say, I'm good at it. To be able to make a living helping people plan for, and protect their family and assets is such a rewarding thing! I've rambled on for a while now, and could go a while longer, but I'll spare you... for now. All I can say is... What a difference a year makes!
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
September 11, 2001
Here is what I wrote in my Journal 11 years ago. I still feel the same today, but am glad that we have moved forward while honoring those who gave so much that day. I'm so grateful for the lessons I learned that day, and in the days following. I'm also grateful for a hero father who lives his life serving and helping everyone around him, and for an amazing mother who is the epitome of character, strength, and faith. To each of you, I thank you for the influence you have been in my life!
"The past few days have been days I will never forget. Today is Thursday the 13th of September. On Tuesday the 11th, I witnessed and experienced one of the most tragic and horrifying events to happen, ever, in US history. I was going to school at about 7:30am, I was flipping through the stations when I came across an abc news report on 103.1 fm. There were reports of explosions at the Pentagon and the World Trade Center in New York. There was much confusion and no one really knew what was going on. As time passed, about 5-10 minutes, things became a little bit more clear. Airplanes, passenger ones, had crashed into the World Trade Center and the Pentagon in a terrorist attack. Another plane was reported hijacked. I couldn't believe it. I had a little bit of a weird feeling when I woke up that day, but I didn't think anything of it. The WTC continued to burn and more reports were coming in. Sirens and screaming filled the airwaves. It was total chaos. Then, one of the towers collapsed. It fell completely to the ground, just like an implosion. All I could think of was how many people just died. I continued to listen with a horrible picture of destruction in my mind. I got to school and hurried to class because I was running a little late. When I got to my class building, the lobby was packed. One television was on and everyone was glued to it. We all watched in unbelief , hoping that it would all be ok. Then, the worst happened. The second tower collapsed. Everyone's eyes got wide, faces grew pale, and many gasped. Our hearts sank, and many began to cry. Time stood still. Classes were suspended for the day. I hurried home. I found the t.v. on and news reports flying in. I saw the first footage of the second plane actually crashing into the second tower. I just had a deep, empty feeling. The feeling hasn't fully left me yet. I think the initial shock has worn off, but I still feel a bit empty. The loss of life will be tremendous. For the remainder of the day, I found it nearly impossible to concentrate on anything at all. After my basketball work outs, I quickly returned home again. My whole family, except April, were glued to the t.v. I was drained physically and emotionally. The events of the day seemed to catch up with me. M dad, brother and I went to dinner. My dad and I were quite somber through all of dinner. As we left the restaurant, my dad turned the radio to a concert performed by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. They sang with the voices of angels. They finished one hymn, and began one of my favorite hymns, "I Know That My Redeemer Lives". As I listened to those sacred and beautiful words, the Spirit of the Lord touched my heart deeply. Tears filled my eyes and streamed down my face. The emotions of the day came out. The hymn really helped me to know that those who are gone, are with Him. It also reminded me of the knowledge and peace that the gospel brings. I gathered myself and wiped the tears from my face. I took my time going in to the house and got control of my feelings. I walked in the back door and right as I stepped inside, I began to cry uncontrollably. I ran to my room and jumped on my bed, burying my head in my pillows. One thing I remember about that is, as I lifted my head off my pillow, I saw the tear marks on my pillow and they showed the anguish in my eyes. It was amazing. We finished the day watching the news and praying for all those involved. September 11, 2001 will always be in my mind. It was a day America learned a lot about themselves. We grew closer as a people. Grown men cried at the images of terror, and a nation turned to God seeking for hope, comfort, and peace of mind. Whatever may come of this event, I hope that those responsible will suffer the consequences of their actions, and that we as a people will become more unified and loving towards one another. May the grace and love of God be with all those who mourn, and search of survivors. Good night."
"The past few days have been days I will never forget. Today is Thursday the 13th of September. On Tuesday the 11th, I witnessed and experienced one of the most tragic and horrifying events to happen, ever, in US history. I was going to school at about 7:30am, I was flipping through the stations when I came across an abc news report on 103.1 fm. There were reports of explosions at the Pentagon and the World Trade Center in New York. There was much confusion and no one really knew what was going on. As time passed, about 5-10 minutes, things became a little bit more clear. Airplanes, passenger ones, had crashed into the World Trade Center and the Pentagon in a terrorist attack. Another plane was reported hijacked. I couldn't believe it. I had a little bit of a weird feeling when I woke up that day, but I didn't think anything of it. The WTC continued to burn and more reports were coming in. Sirens and screaming filled the airwaves. It was total chaos. Then, one of the towers collapsed. It fell completely to the ground, just like an implosion. All I could think of was how many people just died. I continued to listen with a horrible picture of destruction in my mind. I got to school and hurried to class because I was running a little late. When I got to my class building, the lobby was packed. One television was on and everyone was glued to it. We all watched in unbelief , hoping that it would all be ok. Then, the worst happened. The second tower collapsed. Everyone's eyes got wide, faces grew pale, and many gasped. Our hearts sank, and many began to cry. Time stood still. Classes were suspended for the day. I hurried home. I found the t.v. on and news reports flying in. I saw the first footage of the second plane actually crashing into the second tower. I just had a deep, empty feeling. The feeling hasn't fully left me yet. I think the initial shock has worn off, but I still feel a bit empty. The loss of life will be tremendous. For the remainder of the day, I found it nearly impossible to concentrate on anything at all. After my basketball work outs, I quickly returned home again. My whole family, except April, were glued to the t.v. I was drained physically and emotionally. The events of the day seemed to catch up with me. M dad, brother and I went to dinner. My dad and I were quite somber through all of dinner. As we left the restaurant, my dad turned the radio to a concert performed by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. They sang with the voices of angels. They finished one hymn, and began one of my favorite hymns, "I Know That My Redeemer Lives". As I listened to those sacred and beautiful words, the Spirit of the Lord touched my heart deeply. Tears filled my eyes and streamed down my face. The emotions of the day came out. The hymn really helped me to know that those who are gone, are with Him. It also reminded me of the knowledge and peace that the gospel brings. I gathered myself and wiped the tears from my face. I took my time going in to the house and got control of my feelings. I walked in the back door and right as I stepped inside, I began to cry uncontrollably. I ran to my room and jumped on my bed, burying my head in my pillows. One thing I remember about that is, as I lifted my head off my pillow, I saw the tear marks on my pillow and they showed the anguish in my eyes. It was amazing. We finished the day watching the news and praying for all those involved. September 11, 2001 will always be in my mind. It was a day America learned a lot about themselves. We grew closer as a people. Grown men cried at the images of terror, and a nation turned to God seeking for hope, comfort, and peace of mind. Whatever may come of this event, I hope that those responsible will suffer the consequences of their actions, and that we as a people will become more unified and loving towards one another. May the grace and love of God be with all those who mourn, and search of survivors. Good night."
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