Okay, so my last post left off with me being a starter on the sophomore team, getting good JV minutes, and noticing resentment for doing so as a freshman.
As I mentioned, I was feeling the glares from some of the guys that were older than me. I got the cold shoulder from a couple as well. I never heard any of what was said about me by them, but I'm sure it was less than complimentary. I've mentioned my imagination previously and how it was quite strong. When it came to making the high school team as a freshman, becoming a starter, and basically outplaying everyone I was matched up against, I thought I would be heralded as a hero of sorts. Imagine me walking down the hall at school, sunglasses on, people turning and looking at me with awe and talking about how great a basketball player I was. Giving the occasional wink or high five to someone and them being excited about it. That little picture is what was in my mind, and what I hoped things would be like. Instead, I found that I was still "invisible" to many, and that I wasn't as cool as I thought I was. Add on to that the resentment from some teammates and it made for a tough situation.
One of the things that helped me push past that was the glowing praise I would get from my coaches. If they asked me to do something on the court, I did it, and I did it very well. Yes I made mistakes and had off times, but I truly worked my butt off to get better. The reason is two fold. First; I wanted to be the best. Second; I craved that praise and attention and knew that if I continued to do those things I would get it. Well eventually the varsity coach started to really see what I could do and began calling me up to the varsity games. I didn't play much, but loved being on the bench with these much "older" and experienced guys. I really felt like a little kid among men when I was with them. All of those guys were really great and I felt a closer sense of team with them than I did with the younger guys. Maybe it was because they knew what I had been through because of their own experiences. Maybe it was all just my own perception. At any rate, I loved it!
As the season wore down, I was given a great opportunity. Much like when I was in 5th grade, my family was approached by a coach of an AAU/ all star team. An invitation was given for me to join the team and have the opportunity to play all over the country against great players and to have exposure to college recruiters. All I could think was WOW!
Side Note: Up to this point I've refrained from mentioning names of people who have influenced my life. I'm going to change that because I feel I would be short changing what they did for me and making their contributions to my life seem small. In my basketball journey there are 4 main men (aside from my dad) who elevated my game. They are: Brent Chaston, the coach of my childhood up to 8th grade. Dave Hammer, the coach of Salt Lake Metro (the all star team). Andy Tanner, an assistant coach my junior and senior year. And Scott Fields, the coach of an ABA team I played for. These 4 men taught me much about the game of basketball, but more importantly, they taught me lessons that influenced the man I am now and who I will be going forward.
Playing with a team full of really great players was amazing. I mentioned that I didn't score much with my high school team. I think that was partly because everyone wants to score and be a star, and the other part was that they didn't know how to get the ball to me in the post. Yes it seems like a simple thing, but I'll tell you that there have been thousands of times where I had a guy sealed right under the hoop, made eye contact with my teammate who had the ball, and watched them swing the ball away from me. This was not the case with this team. The point guards played like point guards should: as a manager of the game, getting the ball to the best places that had the best chance for success/ scoring. I got the ball in the post more than I ever had, and I loved it. As a result, my points average with that team went way up and I was given the opportunity to really show what I could do with the ball. This success led to confidence, the confidence elevated my game which progressed to gaining the respect of my peers.
As a freshman, I lettered at the varsity level. As a freshman, I got to play in front of John Thompson the legendary coach of Georgetown University. I was able to play in the Thomas and Mack Center in a tournament in Vegas. I had grown from a shy, unsure, kid with low self esteem to a more confident kid who knew I had some great talents. I still had a ways to go, but the groundwork had been laid out and I was on my way towards some more great experiences and memories.
I know I've been rambling on for a while with my basketball story, and there is much more to come. My hope is that just one person will be able to read this and know that others have had the same feelings. Life really sucks sometimes. People are mean, people want to tear others down in order to to feel better about themselves. I know now that those people weren't necessarily bad people, but they felt just as insecure as I did (and still do from time to time). They just had a different way of dealing with it. I kept it to myself, bottled it up. Others lash out. Others use humor to diffuse the situation. Whatever your mechanism, please know that it does get better. If you are one who attacks, I plead with you to think about what damage could be coming from your actions or words. Take a step back and know that we are all in this together. Also, look for a constructive release. Mine has been through basketball, music and movies. Find that creative outlet and I promise you that confidence will come. If you know someone who needs a boost, please send them here. I'm always willing to talk to others in person as well. I'm never too busy to help others!
