Monday, May 6, 2013

Memories of Prom and Other Dances

Over the past month or so my Face Book timeline has been plastered with lots of pictures of prom and all those fun shenanigans. It made me think of my dance experiences when I was young. So bear with me as I take you on a trip down memory lane and share some of my good and bad high school dance experiences. I'll omit names as a safety precaution.

As a sophomore at Hillcrest High School, I was excited about the prom coming up. I had turned 16 in February, and now was allowed to go on dates. I hadn't gone on a date before then, and for some crazy reason, I thought the prom would be a fun first date. I had a friend (who was a girl, haha) in one of my classes that I thought was pretty cute, but more importantly, we got along, and I figured she'd be fun to go with. I wasn't having grand aspirations of a romance blossoming or anything like that, I just wanted to have a good time with friends. For some reason it is a tradition in Utah (not sure about other places) to make asking someone to a dance a big elaborate production. I chose to get a bag full of fortune cookies, put my name inside one of them, and drop off a letter that said, "I would be fortunate if you would go to prom with me." Yes, I know it was pretty lame, but hey, I was a lame 16 year old.

The next day at school was a little awkward. Was she going to say anything to me about it at school? Were her friends? Would she be excited, mad, grossed out, scared, happy? When 6th period came (she sat right in front of me), she walked in, sat down, and gave me a simple nod and a "hi". She didn't talk like she had before I asked, so I figured she wasn't excited about it. She did send her answer, a 'yes' and we were all set. My worry went away as I started planning my tuxedo, what color corsage to get her, and planning the activities with my other buddies who were in my group. Finally the big day arrived. My ride picked me up and we headed off to get my date. I should have recognized the omen that happened on the way to her home. We got a flat tire. So, in tuxedos, we changed a flat and were late to pick up my date. When I knocked on the door, my dates mom answered the door, and I walked in. My date walked out of a room, still in sweats. Seeing as I was about 20 minutes late, I was surprised that she wasn't even dressed. I just took it as a clear message that she didn't really want to go, but was being nice. She got dressed, and we left to pick up my buddy's date. For dinner, we went to Della Fontana's up near the Utah Capitol. It was yummy food. My date seemed to enjoy it too... Maybe a little too much. She ate her salad (a finger salad of full romaine leaves and dressing to dip it in) quickly, but purposely got dressing on her face and was acting all silly. Not a huge deal, but I expected something different (we were all in tuxedo's and gowns after all). Similar behavior during the main course of pasta; slurping up noodles etc. which I found annoying.

When we finally got to the actual dance, we took pictures, and then hit the dance floor. One problem; my date was nowhere to be found after pictures. So I did what every super cool high school basketball player does. I stood there, walked around mingling with people who weren't latched on to their date, and gave up on the night. If I would have had my own car, I may have just gone home all together, but I stuck it out. We did dance together for a few songs, but nothing significant. Next came the party afterwards. It was at an awesome home, ice cream was devoured, games were played, and people snuggled during a movie. Luckily for me, the house had an indoor basketball court and that's where I spent my time. I have no idea where my date was. We left to drop off our dates, and mine was the last. To say I was annoyed is an understatement. We walked up to her door, she gave me a hug and said, "that was fun, let's do it again." I didn't say anything, but if you could read my thoughts, I was saying, "yeah, not on your life!"

So I didn't have a good first date experience. I know there are two sides to every story, but I never got to hear the other side. I was very self conscious about myself after that, and that is on top of the usual angst a 16 year old kid would typically have. Initially, I thought, "hey, I'm a 2 year varsity starter as a soph. I'm pretty cool. Why wouldn't a girl want to go on a date with me?" It was then that I realized that being awesome at something in front of the entire school, being on the news here and there, and having your name in the newspaper didn't mean squat. That "fame" didn't bring friends automatically. So, I hung up my dating shoes until the summer because I figured I was undesirable.

I had a similar experience in the following fall for homecoming. I spent the money for the date and all that stuff, but was dateless for a large portion of the dance, and had an uncomfortable time sitting with her during the movie we watched afterwards. The weird thing to me was that I had gone on a previous date with this girl, and we had a total blast. So it blew my mind when she acted like I was an alien or something. I started to wonder if I had this creeper vibe, and that every girl had the thoughts, "please, PLEASE, don't let that Fitz kid ask me on a date!" So I hung it up again, focused on hoops, and life went on. My paranoia escalated with every girls choice dance that passed without me getting an invitation. High school really messes with your head. I thought middle school was bad with the teasing, but it was tougher for me to be what I thought was invisible. My junior year I made the front page of the Tribune sports page, but that didn't do much on the popularity scale. In fact, it made me feel a bit more alone because some of my older teammates gave me the cold shoulder too because I got more attention, or playing time than they did.

My story ends on a good note though with girls preference in the spring of my junior year. I was asked by an amazing person, who was always kind to me in classes, and at the games (she was a cheer leader). I had the most fun I'd ever had on a date, and felt like the curse had been broken. We never became an exclusive couple, or dated seriously after that, she was just a great friend that I had a lot in common with. She's married with a beautiful family of her own now, as are the ladies I had bad experiences with. And I can say that now, I am a better husband and father because of these experiences. Just like everything else in life, we have to go through a bunch of crap in order to recognize and appreciate the good things when they come. If anyone out there reads this, and is having, or has gone through struggles like mine, know this. It gets better. There will be that one moment where the clouds lift, and you feel like you are noticed or cared about. Guess what? You always were, and always will be. Don't shrink away or try to change who you are. I tried those things in certain situations, and it doesn't work, or you don't attract the kind of people you would like. I know it's typical for an "old guy" like me to give this piece of advice, but talk to your parents. If you can't, talk to someone. It will help you realize that you have so much going for you. Most importantly, don't hang your happiness on whether a girl (or boy) likes you. Chances are that whatever money you spend on dates with be spent on another man's future spouse. If you go out, and you are gaga over him or her, but they are not into you, try to move on. It's really hard, but totally doable. Also, treat those you date with respect. Open doors, wait for them to be seated first. Look for those little opportunities to help/ serve. It wont guarantee they fall in love with you, but it doesn't hurt and you learn good habits early.

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